Lord, there are so many things that I want to pray for that I can't seem to put them all together if I don't write them. There are so many people that I want to pray for and there are people asking me to pray for them. But I wonder. Why is it easier for me to pray wholeheartedly for things that really affects me? When friends and family requests me to pray for them and it's something that I am not directly part of, it's hard for me to concentrate and get the right words to pray for a certain thing for a certain person. But when it makes me worried about the state of that person and how certain things affect his or her life as a person, that's the time when I can really pray with my heart. But maybe that's just how it goes. Or maybe I need to concentrate and empathize more so that I will understand and help them pray as well.
Right now, first of all, I don't want to think about myself even if there is something that I want to pray earnestly. Since I've been praying for it almost every day. Right now, I want to make a difference and pray for the people dear to me.
I would like to start with my older sister. This is the one that triggered me to write and made me realize that there are so many who needs prayers. I will start with my family and friends since they are the closest to me.
Lord, right now, I can sense and feel that my sister is aching and her heart is probably in pain. Although she may not verbalize all her feelings to me, I understand how painful it is to be in her situation. I pray Lord, that you set her free from the pain that's choking her. I cannot stand to see my sister get hurt and tolerate all the pain inside. I pray that you enlighten her and guide her when she makes important decisions in her life. Please make her firm when she makes them and that those decisions are guided by you. Help her to be strong and firm for her beliefs, her rights, and her values. Don't let anyone trample on her kindness, patience, and tolerance. She really deserves better than that. And I pray that she will find happiness in You, Lord. Because you are the only one who can bring joy and contentment to one's heart. Not any material things, relationships, status, power, or wealth can truly make a person joyful and contented. You're the only one who can bring these into our lives. Lord, please show her the light and guide her as she sets off with her new freedom. Don't make her fall down to the ground again in this matter because it's been too long already. Please be with her.
There's also one friend that I would like to pray who is very close to me. We are so different in so many ways but it's amazing that we are able to live with each other. However, it seems that the ones closest to me are the most difficult to persuade change into their lives. This is probably because they already know a lot about me and somehow what I am is not convincing enough to help them change for the better. I'm struggling because of my weakness and somehow this weakness makes me feel incompetent and unable to create change in people's lives. I tried to reach out, but it was not enough. I failed and I don't know how I can start in reaching again. I can only pray for her and pray that You will use me as an instrument to make her grow closer to You. She's not really a bad person. But I feel like the world is consuming her as she makes important decisions in her life and the mind set that she has about certain things. I wish I can enlighten her though but I, too, am just human and I'm not confident enough to speak of good things for I'd be a hypocrite if I stumble and eat my own words. But I know prayers can do wonders. And right now, at this moment, all I can offer is my prayer, Lord, that you change her heart and set her free from the desires of this world.
Last but not the least for today, there's this one person that I really hold dear to my heart. Someone I can lose anytime but I'd prefer not to. The bond and connection is just so strong and so amazing that I don't want to let go of it. I know, Lord, that you can do all things. You can make things happen. You have the power to make this go away and you have the power to make it flourish and grow. But when I think about it, it sounds really selfish and I shouldn't focus on what it can do for me. Rather, right now, I want to pray for that person because He needs you Lord. He just doesn't know it. I know it will be very painful if things will not work out, but Lord, at the very least, please touch his heart and let him know who You are. Soften his heart and let him seek You. Help him Lord with his struggles and whenever he needs help, please be there for him. Let him know that you are God. Let him know the truth. But honestly speaking, Lord, I really do want this to work out. And that You also use me as an instrument for him to turn to You. Only you can make it work out. Because if I rely on myself, if I rely on him, if I rely on reality as it is, something like this is inexistent and I'm living in a fantasy world. Everything around me is saying it's all wrong but why do I feel so much about it. Why do I hope so much? Is it because this is my first and I am just so naive? Do I need a large dose of reality just to wake up from this dream? Will it be like every other relationship that I hear and know which ends up disgraced, broken, and regretful? Sometimes, I wish that you set this one apart. But I know I shouldn't. Because whatever will happen, whether this will work out or not, I know that what you have is better than what I wish for myself. It's just painful and it makes me sad when relationships don't work out. Not just for myself, but for everyone who has ever been in one. It's just so sad. Right now, Lord, I entrust this to you for I know that You will take care of it. Also, I'll try my very best and work hard on my part as a steward of the gifts and blessings that you have entrusted to me for Your Glory.
Lord Jesus,
Thank you so much for this day because despite all the bad news, I really feel blessed and 'normal' today. Thank you, Lord, for all the blessings that you have showered upon us.
Lord, thank you for my job, for all the opportunities, for my family, for my friends, and to all the experiences and people that you have blessed me with to help me grow closer to you.
I know I have not been living a life that's worthy of you. And somehow, I need to change the way I live my life and share my blessings to anyone who deserves them.
Lord, have control over my life. Have control over my thoughts, actions, decisions and everyday living. Give me strength to fight off temptation but still be inspired and moved. Please give me strength to shout your name and glorify and praise you among many peoples. Help me not to wane when things get rough and when I feel like my faith will be compromised. Please help me to be strong to fight for what I believe in and that it will show in everything that I do. Lord, I offer my life to you. Everything in it. Even the one that I desired the most. I offer them to you. For I know that my life will be beautiful, peaceful, and safe when every aspect of it is in Your hands.
Please let me feel your love always. Let the fire in my heart burn for You that people around me will know that You are God and You save. Help me and guide me Lord to grow towards You and use me as an instrument for Your Glory. Teach me and guide me how to touch other people's hearts that they will know Your name. That you are the only one true God that they should seek. Please be with me always Lord that the evil one will not partake in even one small part in my life. Help me Lord to seek You always and seek You first above all else.
Tonight has been surprisingly a fulfilling and inspiring experience for me again. But this time, it is with my older sister.
I just got back from my home town, from a very long vacation (wherein I realized that too much of it ain't good for me), and I'm tired and exhausted (history repeating itself?) from the long trip. I don't know but unlike my trips to my home town before, this time, I was looking forward to coming back here in Cebu. I realized that I can somehow do more things here than stay back at my home town (although it may not be that obvious).
Anyway, I am just so relieved and at ease that I was able to have deep long conversations with my older sister. I just felt so glad to have shared a lot of things and insights with her. And she shared me something so wonderful that I just can't keep it to myself. What happened was definitely heaven sent. And I believe in her and what God has shown to her.
My sister had a dream. I think it was more than a dream. A vision.In her dream/vision, she saw a great light or spirit (I'm just relaying this from memory). At first, she didn't know if it was a bad or good one. She then prayed really really hard. Then afterwards, she realized that the great light is God. She couldn't see His face. All she could see was his shoulders laden with gold but above, all she could see was a very great light. At that time, she had lots of questions in her mind. And she knew that He can hear her thoughts even though she didn't utter them to Him.
He then told her some great insights which I think all of us already knew but have somehow forgotten their significance in our lives. He told her that religion does not matter. It's not important. He emphasized the two greatest commandments in which we should all live to. And that is to LOVE God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength and with all your mind and to LOVE your neighbor as yourself (Luke 10:27). That is our sole purpose in living a life worth living. He also told her that all children up to 15 years old will go to heaven. What surprised her about this was that He gave her a specific number. 15 years old. When I heard about it, the first thing that came into my mind was that 15 years old is quite old. I do know and believe that all children will go to heaven when they still do not know what is right or wrong. And I was thinking that the age when they become aware would be like 8-12 years old. I was also surprised at this. He also said something about her life. A number. The age on when she will die. But she didn't remember the number. But then again, I guess her mind didn't want to remember it. It's just scary when you know when you are going to die. You might get paranoid. Then after that, God gave her a powerful insight or verse which really made a great impact to me and led me to thinking. This is the verse: "Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him" (1 John 4:16-17). The message is very clear. It's all about LOVE. And I thought I was living in love. After that, my sister lay on God's lap and she was filled with immense feelings of peace and love. Like it was indescribable and unfathomable. When she woke up, she felt so good and the whole experience was really amazing for her.
When she shared this to me, I was really touched and inspired. Something as great as this is not something that can just happen to anyone. People may be doubtful and skeptical to things like this but when she shared this to me, I knew this is genuine. This is real. This is heaven sent. And I believe in it. My sister is a really really good person. We may have disagreements and arguments but when it comes to her spirituality, I know that her goodness and sincerity shows since we have shared insights about it which makes me really glad. She has already told me about she's always having this questions in her mind about God's purpose for her, how she wants to be a missionary and help people, how she wants to build her own orphanage, everything. With the vision that she just had, I know that God has great plans for her. I am just amazed because I'm usually not the kind of person who easily believes in these things. I admit I have my own shared of skepticisms about some things. But this, this is not something that I can just disregard. This is probably the first time that something like this is so close to me. I'm really glad that my sister experienced it and I'm glad that she shared it to me. I'm really grateful to God for letting us experience something so wonderful as this.
Again, this is getting too long and probably a bore to read, but tonight was just wonderful. We shared and talked about so many things that I want to share I should write a book about them. :) She also gave me a vial filled with the miraculous waters from Lourdes, France wherein Mary showed herself to St. Bernadette. She and her boyfriend drank a few drops and they were cured of their sickness at that time. She also gave my other older sister a vial of it and when she drank it, afterwards, she gave birth to her first son (because before that, she really really wanted to gave birth already but to no success). Just hearing these things from someone close to me just amazes me because this is also one of things where my skepticism ponders about. Then my sister told me not to abuse it. It doesn't just work that way. You also need to have great faith and belief for miracles to happen. And from the accounts of my sisters, they did happen. Right now, I don't know if I want to drink it. I feel that it is so sacred and I just don't have enough faith yet. I just want to keep it. And maybe when the time is right, I will manage to drink it and believe that it will work.
(Too Sleepy To Think Of A Good Title)
Tonight has been very tiring and exhausting. Even though my throat felt better than before, my runny nose became clogged, the coughing due to my acid reflux came back, and I feel like a fever is on its way. I feel soooo very sleepy right now but I just had this strong urge to write this down. Because something happened worthwhile that I want to keep.
I shouldn't have gone to another city today because I wasn't feeling very good. But I thought, since my throat is feeling better, my condition wouldn't have probably worsen. But as you can see it has. And somehow a part of me wanted to regret. That I should have waited for another day for me and my younger sister to go on a trip. However, my contacts solution was getting empty so that's what probably triggered me to get going because I can't seem to find any suitable solution here in my home town.
Anyway, that's just the beginning. I'm not really good at narrating so I'll just go straight to the things that made this day worthwhile. And I'm glad they happened.
You see, the trip from a neighboring city is two hours away to our home town by bus. So we got all the time just talking and talking. It was already 9:00 PM (I think) when the bus left the terminal so we practically arrived at around 11:00 PM which is very unusual since we don't usually travel during these times here. Why we rode the bus at 9:00 PM is another story. But it's not really that important.
The things that really made the trip worthwhile was talks we had with my sister. The old times. I miss the old times. We used to talk a lot with my younger sister before we sleep when the lights are out or when we are both in our room just chit chatting. It's not everyday that you have a sister whom you can talk with about almost everything! And what's fulfilling in our talks is that they show how close we are that we can even open the most intimate and deep topics that we can't possibly discuss with anyone else. It's such a relief to have these good times once again. Connecting with someone in a very deep level. I'm gonna miss this when I go back to work.
Another thing that I want to keep in my memory which is the one thing that really urged me to write was that when we arrived home exhausted, hungry, and holding my bladder for a very long time, I found my younger brother silently sitting on a chair with his head in a bowing position and headset on his ears. We didn't bother him at first because I went straight to the C.R. and then straight to preparing food to eat. We were very noisy but my brother seems unmoved. So I moved closer to him and I saw him reading my Bible that I left on the computer desk. Honestly, this sight really made my heart glad because something like this is kind of unusual. I haven't talked to my brother about Christianity or the Bible and I have the slightest idea of his faith (except I know he believes in God and Jesus and the Bible. But that's just it). We really haven't discussed things like this (Oh, the irony of it). I'm always looking for timings, but my fears get the best of me. But I'm just glad that the opportunity presented itself. And it's just this morning (or yesterday) that I actually first read the Bible while here in my home town and I left it in the computer desk afterwards. Something like this isn't just plain coincidence. And I'm really grateful that God made this happened.
I then told my brother that if he wanted my Bible he can have it. And I'm just glad that he received it with such joy. We then started eating and discussing about the Bible, Christianity, and religion. It's actually the first time that me and my two siblings talked stuff like these and it's really quite fulfilling and awe-inspiring I could feel tears are starting to pour down (I can be really emotional when no ones around).
Then my brother told us about a person he had encountered over the net in which he had a deep intimate conversation with. It was a very unlikely encounter because most of the people over the net are rather unpleasant, indecent or vulgar due to anonymity. He, too, was surprised that he was able to meet someone who was decent and sensible. It was a site called emegle.com (I can't quite remember) and both of my siblings knew this site. (I guess I'm getting old to catch up?:/). It's like a random chat where you meet up with a stranger and you get to know each other through that chat. The website itself is the one who randomly picks up a chatter who is using the site as well. I really don't know how it works but my bro said it was a very unlikely encounter. He never thought he can find a sensible person in that website.
This is getting long and I'm getting really tired so to make the long story short, he was able to chat with an atheist and they talked about religion and stuff. And it was a very fulfilling encounter for him (he felt good after the chat) because he became an instrument in sharing his faith to that person and made that person ponder about his life as an atheist. And it's just overwhelming.
One of the first few days of the new year. And here I am with a sore throat awake in the wee hours of morning because I can't sleep any further because of the discomfort my sore throat brings (I was awake since 5 AM when everyone was still asleep).
I got carried away with all the hype that incorporated the holidays that I forgot to do the most important thing before anything else. Read the Bible. I was also living carelessly just going with the flow the holidays brought me. I forgot to pray and maybe I guess this sore throat is like a wake up call for me to return to the first and utmost priority in my life--God.
My throat is a little better now thank goodness and the first thing I did in the morning (after I took care of my sore throat) was pick up my Bible and read the verse from where I left off.
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27 -
I tried to pray but my mind was pre-occupied with a lot of things. I can't seem to concentrate. If I meditate I might doze off. So I decided to write because it keeps me awake and keeps my head clear. I prayed in the form of writing. Then I did the usual stuff I do. Browsing the internet.
That's when I stumbled upon a short biography of a former metal guitarist of a famous metal band named 'Korn'. I was simply amazed and inspired by his transformation when he decided to dedicate his life to Christ after a series of rock n' roll, drugs, sex, and fame that consumed him. It just amazes me when people who seem hopeless turn their backs on their previous way of life to worship and glorify God. It really inspires me.
I was really touched when I read about how he went to poverty-stricken areas in India to build orphanages and how he contributed his new music in worshipping God and helping other people. The way he responded to personal issues with his former band was also very mature and wise. Personal stories about people like him really inspire me and gives hope to seemingly hopeless situations.
I cut my hair twice really really short way back in college. Once, for a first heart break. And the second one, for a broken friendship.
Remember when you told me I was the best thing that ever happened?
The moment you told me that I was beautiful...
The time when you want me to go there and be with you...
The night when you opened up a very intimate part of you...
i want to keep them forever...
i know you meant them at those times...
but you live on a day-to-day basis...
and i'd have to keep capturing your heart just to keep you
but i really don't care...
i just want to be there and care for you...
i just want to embrace everything about you...
i want to love and understand you...
i want to keep you...
*i'm feeling unusually inspired...*
I still believe in marriage and I am really against divorce. But hey, who am I to say such things. I'm not even married! So how should I know and what right do I have to utter such words. But still, divorce is such an awful thing. In my perspective, I hate it when people break up. Even as lovers. It's too sad. Too awful. Too heartbreaking. I've always believed in two people working out together even if the spark of love has gone out. It's such a waste for such a beautiful bond between two people to be broken by the negativities life brings. Yes. I'm still naive with these things.
I just read an article stating that my country is the only country left with no divorce. And I really really hope and pray that it stays that way. Just because the rest of the world agrees with divorce doesn't mean ours should do the same. But who am I to know? I'm just one person with one vote against divorce. And people always have different thoughts about these kinds of things and the majority I believe is pro-divorce. Especially now that the Philippines is sort of gearing its way in liberating itself from tradition and moralities of life. It would be nice if people don't make a hasty decision in marrying someone if they cannot bring themselves to live with the pledge and oath marriage brings (in sickness and in health...for better or for worst...for richer or for poorer...till death do us part). Marriage is sacred and should not be separated by man. The sad news is, people tend to marry for all the wrong reasons and realize that they don't know the person at all (domestic violence, irreconcilable differences, martyrdom, infidelities, drunkenness or addiction). Also, I have read something from a person that I look up to that it would be better if you married someone who can put up with you, who you can put up with and who knows how to pick himself/herself up. When the feeling, spark, chemistry, or love have all died down, you just can't give up on a commitment. Besides, true love is not based on feelings at all. I just don't see divorce as a solution. But hey, people are people. I fear that if the time comes, my vote won't even count. It's just so sad.
Malta was the last country to have approved divorce after four years of separation. The law was introduced prior to peoples' votes who are mostly Catholic. *sigh* It's just so sad. The Prime Minister himself was against divorce but, "This is not the result I wished for, but the will of the people has to be respected and the parliament should enact a law for the introduction of divorce."
So much for human rights and free will. "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." - Hebrews 13:4 -
"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female'. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
- Mark 10:6-9 -
"For marriage is a sacred institution established by God and one that is meant to last for life." - Fireproof -
I've always thought that today's generation is a crooked one. Well, the generations before this may be crooked as well, but not as crooked as this one. I can see it in my eyes. I can feel it in my veins. I can taste it in my mouth. There seems to be no way of stopping this generation from becoming more crooked than ever. This is reality. I cannot deny it. I cannot close my eyes and think that things would be just like before. This is the here and now.
But that doesn't mean that I cannot do something. That doesn't mean that I should just watch the world unfold in its crooked ways. No. I can do something. I can still remember the quote that says:
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. What I can do, I ought to do. And with the grace of God, I will do it."
This is what I am supposed to do. This is my purpose in life. Though its hard, with all the challenges and temptations this generation brings, I believe that I will be able to go through. Victorious. Because I am not just doing this for myself. I am not just doing this for my loved ones. I am doing this for my God. This is what God wants me to do. To be able to speak out what is right according to His word. I may fall. I may falter. I may stumble. But everytime I stand up from those shortcomings, it makes me a better person. It makes me stronger. It makes me a child of God.
This is my voice. These are my insights. I may not be a good charismatic speaker but I can write better. They may be far from perfect but it gives me joy to know that I have done something in this life that's worthwhile. I've always wanted to make a big change in people's lives in a good way but I am always discouraged by my weaknesses, my fears, and my flaws. I am a pessimistic idealist. But that doesn't stop me from always trying and doing whatever I can do to make this life worthwhile. Not just to make this life worthwhile, but to give glory to God. He is the sole reason why I am here. He is my purpose in life. Somehow, the trivialities of life makes me stray from my purpose but as long as I am alive, I will always continue to fight for what is good. To fight for God.
"...continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." - Philippians 2:12-13 -
This goes for everyone who is willing to live their lives for God. Use your gifts, talents, abilities, and blessings and give out your very best for the glory of God. What this generation and nation needs is a fervent prayer and worship to God Almighty.
No matter how hard I try to muster enough courage to continue, I'm so chickened out! :-S And I haven't even met monsters along the way! Geeh. I'm such a chicken. It's just so scary and me all alone in the room. Even if it's daylight. My heart starts palpitating. With audio or no audio. It's like eating my heart out alive! O.O Maybe I'll play this at my original home where my sister and brother will scream for me. XD
The first scene of the game before the movie starts is like the music video of Avenged Sevenfold's Nightmare. But this game is more of a nightmare. I need to get used to it before I can be immune with it's nightmarish aura. And I wish I have an Nvidia GeForce for a video card so that I can really get engrossed with the game.
Although I've read reviews about the overall Silent Hill games, I think Homecoming's not as scary as the first one. Or even the first three games which was developed by the original Team Silent. I would've want to play the scariest one which is the first one and Silent Hill 3 (coz the protagonist is a girl and I can relate. XD) But it's a headstart. I want to play this till the end! XD
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